On Work Life Balance and Newton's Third Law of Motion

For every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction.

Jul 08, 2025

From my iPhone photo search for “Balance”: MNO in 2012ish - surfing and ladies night out still trying to find balance

I have Leaned In so hard.

I have drank the Kool Aid of every hashtag there is about #GirlBoss, #SuperMom, #TheHustle, #GrowthMindset, #WorkLifeBalance, #WorkHardPlayHard, #GetShitDone, you name it - I’ve probably hearted it.

So. Much. To. Do.

Is this right??

The definition of Balance is:

ensuring the number of elements on each side is equal. And if you shift to one side, you need to redistribute the elements evenly across each side to ensure stability. Like when you stand on one leg, you shift your weight across evenly for that leg so that you don’t fall on your face.

Now, let’s think about the concept of “work life balance”.

What it does not mean is:

doing all that you can do at work
+
achieving all that you can do in life
= at the same time.

What about kids? Then you have:

+
raising successful and kind humans
+
self-care so you don’t go insane or get sick or die

So, the #worklifebalance equation looks like:

Be Successful At Work
+ Be Successful In Life
+ Be Successful Raising Kids
+ Be Successfully Healthy
=
Feel Balanced Between Work and Life

Did you just LOL?

I did.

What About Physics?

I am not a scientist. But something in this work life balance concept seems off fundamentally.

I looked it up, and yes - Newton knew it too:

Whenever one object exerts a force on another object, the second object exerts an equal and opposite force on the first.

So, in any given moment:

If you are leaning in on work, you are leaning out on life.

If you are prioritizing kids, you are deprioritizing work.

If you are prioritizing self-care, you are deprioritizing kids.

And on and on.

It is a seesaw.

That you jump on from side to side.

thank you chatgpt for making this image from my prompt: *show me a woman trying to balance on a seesaw while juggling knives, balloons, and rocks*

You cannot exert force on one side to be “as successful as possible” without dealing with the opposite reaction on the other side.

Even if it is just for a moment.

But we try to manage the outcome of all sides regardless.

Enter The Multitasking Dragon

We decide we can juggle on the seesaw while jumping back and forth.

This looks like:

Making health care appointments at stoplights
Sending emails from soccer sidelines
Working in waiting rooms
Text scheduling playdates during the previews
Printing out excel spreadsheets for summer schedules
Learning self care essentials via podcasts during your dentist appointment
Finalizing the presentation deck on the plane during your family vacation
Using your 6-8 hour sleep window to research and schedule holiday activities
Breast-pumping on mute in a virtual all day meeting
Saying yes to the after networking dinner stop on the work trip on the only evening not caring for a often waking child
Doing squats while you brush your teeth
Making a mental ToDo list for tomorrow while reading a bedtime story

You feel proud of your insane ability to do 2-3 things at once. You feel accomplished from the hours you saved doing things on top of each other.

And

You feel sad, exhausted, and strung out — not fully present in moments — trying to multitask your way into insurance that one of those items you’re juggling will not drop.

Is it a balloon? Is it a knife? Is it a rock?

Who knows until you drop it — so just keep them all up in the air in motion to never find out!

Balance is Not Multitasking

I predict at some point, there will be an AA group for Multitaskers.

I am a recovering Extreme Multitasker.

The seduction of multitasking entices you with the pride you feel with output that you never thought possible.

But multitasking momentary victory doesn’t change the long term fallacy of the work life balance equation.

Multitasking creates the illusion that we can do it all just because we task stacked a few things.

Let’s Normalize Single Tasking

Even clocks only move their hands at the same time occasionally

My running joke is that I dream of a vacation where I am only single tasking.

But how do I get there?

To Find Balance, I must intentionally lighten the load to something that can be equally distributed.

If I stand on one leg, there are certain things that I cannot do if I want to maintain my balance.

I cannot run.

But I can breathe.

I can spread out my weight a bit, find a light focal point, try to keep steady and gently refocus again if I lose my standing.

I can minimize my immediate needs in order to stay balanced.

When you are doing work, life, care-taking — this is the only way to not defy Newton’s law and basic balance.

It requires turning away from unrealistic How To lists and You Should comments.

It requires you to ask:

What is the minimal circle of critical responsibility I need at this moment to stay balanced?

This looks like:

Don’t take on every work ask, especially the non-promotable tasks
Don’t sign up for everything at Meet the Teacher night in the gym
Normalize saying, “Thank you for the thought!” to stray suggestions
Configure your ROI equation for increased for a new work role that includes the responsibilities you have in your care-taking phase and philosophy
Don’t pressure yourself to have the same vacation/self-care/holiday/childcare as your family, friends or social media FeedFriends
Ask for help
Accept the help
Release the pressure for reciprocity in every gesture
Be ok with “feedback” that you’re not best in one of your seesaw sides
Don’t take advice blindly from someone not juggling the same things you are

And please, for the love of God, don’t worry that you don’t have Work Life Balance.

It doesn’t exist the way it’s marketed to us.

Balance Without Fear

I think at my lowest point of trying to do it all, if I got really quiet with myself and asked why I was doing this — it was fear.

Fear of what others would think of me if I failed at work, failed at motherhood, failed at love, failed at health, failed at my own life.

It was fear of my own expectations fueled by social media and situational envy - that would generate a sense - wait - I can do that! Everywhere I went.

LinkedIn - I can do that job, speak at that conference, write that book!

Facebook - I can do that vacation, I can do that kid event, I can make those family memories!

Instagram - I can do that workout routine, I can make that recipe, I can look that good, I can be funny like that!

And now Substack - I can write like that! I can be that insightful! I can have that growth!

Or at school - I can be the best room mom! I can raise a valedictorian/star athlete/award winning artist!

Or at yoga - I can do a pincha! I can be the most grounded! I can be the most present!

Or with friends and family - I can have the popular book club/gym crew/dinner party! I can host the most epic holiday tradition! I can be the Go To confidant!

In so many of these settings, even when I was, I could, I did — I would still sometimes come away with a ToDo list miles longer than the time I felt present in the scene.

No wonder I cry at this song every. damn. time.

Finding Actual Balance

Finding Balance is acknowledging fears or envy or sadness feelings as waves that will pass through your body if you let them travel through.

You see them. You name them. You tame them.

These waves wash through your body just like the joy and happiness and pride waves wash through your body as you strike off each ToDo list item in triumph.

Finding Balance is realizing that you don’t have to do everything you’re told.

Finding Balance is screaming from the rooftops that:

NO — you cannot do it all, all at once,

and

YES — if you want me to do this while I’m doing that — you better know these balls are going to drop.

Unless you step up to help me catch them.

If someone throws you shade when things do drop, ask yourself if they are in the stands or the arena. And care accordingly.

Finding Balance is releasing the need to please to the wind. Not with a finger in the air, but with an exhale knowing that the need to please can serve a purpose in your life for a time, but not all the time.

Set Boundaries for yourself to find your Balance.

Boundaries without empathy is unkind and lonely.

Boundaryless existence is exhausting and thankless.

Boundaries for Balance don’t need to be loud. They don’t need to be preached. They just need your belief. And they will change over time.

Your real friends, close family and work champions will get it.

Some of the others may not.

And that’s ok too.

Newton got it, and he’s famous.

Keep Going, Gorgeous. You Got This.

XOXO

LCK